NEWSFLASH: Vegetable Gabrielle Giffords Resigns

Conway here, callous as always, penning yet another short but verbose, vitriolic missive with regard to the despicable coterie of obnoxious vermin governing this moribund, bankrupt entity, the United States of America.

A not unexpected turn in the seemingly endless, syrupy Gabrielle Giffords saga has FINALLY occurred, with said victim Giffords or her facilitators posting a disjointed, painfully inarticulate clip announcing her resignation from the Elected Gangsters Club, otherwise known to slackjawed drones as Congress. Upon physical inspection it seems, on the surface, that she has made a remarkable recovery, considering her injury of forced cranial ventilation, courtesy of deranged gunman Uncle Fester/Jared Loughner, a now imprisoned creature/constituent nuttier than a goddamned fruitcake.

However, once she opens her mouth it is profoundly clear that no one is home, so to speak, her scripted remarks reminding me of a souped-up Stephen Hawking voice synthesizer, or a newly activated android reminiscent of Gene Roddenberry’s “The Questor Tapes” starring Robert Foxworth and Mike Farrell. Look the latter up; it was damned good for a 70’s TV movie.

Any other individual would have been left to bleed out and die on a gurney in an emergency room annex, but considering that “Representative” Giffords is so much more important and better than the rest of we lowly serfs, like the now rotting, amoral, mendacious, murderous swine Edward Moore Kennedy was, untold millions of taxpayer dollars were appropriated from the people to save the life of this idiotic, babbling vegetable.

That noted, I read a silly article some time back that selected people were, or are, being “replaced” by physically identical machines or robots, like something out of the fucking Stepford Wives, and while I submit such an idea is completely preposterous, Giffords would be the poster child for such a sinister agenda. Her movements, speech and expressions are contrived and robotic, including the macabre grin that she manages at the end of the piece. Really, it wouldn’t surprise me if she is actually an experimental, cobbled together, remote-controlled, mindless cyborg; what is left of her brain augmented with top-secret, biometrically powered, low-voltage VLSIC microprocessors wired in place of her destroyed speech center.

Don’t believe me for one goddamned moment – see the pathetically ridiculous spectacle for yourself; possessing a strong stomach or having a bottle of Pepto-Bismol on hand is advised:

What the hell, at least she articulates better than Dick Clark does…




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