A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Safeway


 

Conway here, your favorite misanthropic, foulmouthed, offensive, heartless bastard, posting jaded, insensitive observations once again, like a vicious Edward R. Murrow clone, broadcasting live, vitriolic content from the flaming bowels of hell.

Yesterday, in Tucson, Arizona, at approximately 10:00 AM, a 22 year old cracker oddball named Jared Lee Loughner decided he was fed up with most fucking everything and would solve all his problems by shooting and killing people outside a Safeway supermarket. Not a very good plan in my opinion, but then again, I’m not him; perhaps, at the time, the plan seemed brilliant to Loughner. Please note the standard three-name “weirdo” identification of the suspect, i.e., his “christian” name, middle name, and surname, this method employed at least since the time of the JFK assassination. Why did Mr. Loughner decide to shoot people? Who the fuck knows, I’m only reporting this insane horseshit to the reader; I’m not a goddamned psychiatrist.

Anyway, this batshit crazy, honky assassin arrived at a Safeway parking lot, packing heat in the form of a Glock, and started taking potshots, killing a Federal judge, a nine year old girl, and several others, also shooting a kike Congressman named Gabrielle Giffords through her head, at the temple. OUCH! That must have hurt like a motherfucker, talk about an Excedrin headache. Curiously, Ms. Giffords has survived the ordeal so far, considering her injuries; she should be dead and would probably be better off if she were dead, in my opinion. Yes, the reader may find that blunt remark very offensive, but I make it not out of malice, but out of logic. Should she survive her extensive BRAIN damage she can look forward to continuing life as a gorked out, babbling freak, a female version of James Brady, occasionally drooling, smiling vacantly and staring into space while being paraded around in a fucking wheelchair by a bored orderly. That isn’t a life I’d want to have – tell me, would you?

Elaborating, like most people that have only seen images of Gabrielle Giffords via the media, I couldn’t care less what happens to her, for good or ill, as I don’t know her, I never did, and I never will. If anything, I view the entire situation candidly as “better her than me”, and I’m not afraid to admit that at all. Anyone reading this who states they do care about Ms. Giffords, without ever having met her and conversed with her, at length, in person, is either a bare-faced liar, parroting what sounds good to other simians, or, if truly serious, should reflect on that stance, abandon it, and then seriously consider getting a real life. Normal people care about people they actually fucking KNOW, the “care” part comprising either affinity or enmity toward the known individual or perhaps group of individuals, e.g., families, as such the case may be. Anyone outside that sphere of personal experience is an unfamiliar quantity, and are not valid candidates for such emotional considerations. I can easily say, “It’s a shame Gabrielle Giffords had a hole put in her head by a fucking nut”, but that statement does not even begin to imply “caring” about her personally. That’s the difference, and people needlessly confuse the issue, taking simple observation and unconsciously replacing it with pseudo-empathy.

That said, I may be a callous old bastard who disdains much about the human race, for example, their hypocrisy, arrogance and zeal, but I find it truly unfathomable that malevolent individuals wake up in the morning and state to themselves with firm resolve: “Today I will solve all my problems by – ”

A) Killing a person or people with guns/bombs/poisons.

B) Raping someone (male or female, or perhaps even both, depending on the situation, gender and sexual preference of the perpetrator).

C) Robbing a bank (to pay bills, buy drugs, or whatever).

D) All of the above, or variations of the above.

You see, any of those “solutions” only make the situation WORSE for the individual contemplating such actions, usually leading to death by the pigs, life in the hoosegow, or even a death sentence, administered decades after the crime, after the condemned has years to sit on death row and contemplate his gross stupidity. Really, if I ever found that I needed to kill someone, I would immediately consult a psychiatric professional; if I needed a piece of ass, I would never rape, I’d simply jerk off or purchase the services of a whore, and if I needed money to pay bills, I’d either get a job, or simply go bankrupt and start over. Incidentally, I don’t need drugs, as I exclusively employ sludge, and sludge is so goddamned cheap that it’s free nearly everywhere.

Moving on, I believe it is safe to say that Mr. Loughner has even more problems now than he ever had earlier, considering six people are dead and several others still languish in the hospital, courtesy of Loughner’s rather draconian emotional needs. Now in the custody of the jackbooted pigs, he can look forward to the myriad wonders of living what is left of his miserable, empty life in a Federal prison, where he can enjoy being beaten by guards, fellow inmates, and getting fucked in his ass, that is, before he is executed by lethal injection, which he may come to prefer having happen to him, rather than experiencing the former three items, repeatedly, for years on end.

Further, it is alleged by Goebbelsian media that Jared Lee Loughner stated he “Can’t trust the current government”, in a clumsy attempt to pigeonhole him with those charging the Federal government has gone too far in its grab for absolute power. No shit Sherlock, you can’t trust ANY government, Federal, State, Local, past, present, or future, that is NOT news, nor a revelation, it is a goddamned FACT. Consult history; governments of all sizes are run by power mad, criminally inclined megalomaniacs, preening narcissists who stare into a mirror, impressed by their self-accessed godlike qualities. Just look at prime examples like George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Lyndon Johnson, Adolf Hitler, Louis XIV or Caligula.

After perusing his disjointed, nonsensical YouTube posts, I submit Mr. Loughner is a bit young and very, very ignorant indeed, regardless if he read fucking Plato or not. He claims that everyone around him is “brainwashed”, and that only he knows what is best. Yeah, and I’m Charles de Gaulle; most folks aren’t brainwashed, they’re simply stupid and credulous drones. Loughner’s pronouncements sound like delusions of grandeur to me, sort of like the adlibbed utterances occasionally coming from the fan eared eightball occupying the White House. Apparently, Loughner is also a 2012 apocalypse believer and a CommieNazi to boot, the latter idiocy possibly caused by watching of too goddamn many episodes of “The Simpsons”, or not possessing the fucking intelligence to realize that communism and nazism are mutually exclusive worldviews.

Naturally, rabid liberals, upon learning of the shooting, instantly began blaming Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Jesus Christ, and the Tea Party for Giffords getting her skull ventilated by a delusional, armed, paranoid maniac. If they want to blame anything, they should try blaming themselves for the idiocy they are fomenting; Loughner has been clearly identified as left wing and liberal. I swear to Christ, people of all stripes are madder than fucking hatters now; such absurd statements are what starts civil wars.

Occurrences like the Tucson shootings are happening because many people, left or right leaning, in the United States, and indeed, the world, feel like cornered rats with no way out. Everyone knows that cornered rats will take on a goddamned lion if they have to, as they have nothing to lose and everything to win.

I sincerely apologize to the reader for not using enough foul language, blasphemous remarks and racial epithets in this post; I must be slipping.

Regards,

Conway

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One Response to “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Safeway”

  1. Xavier Gabriel Says:

    Best post ever..I definitely welcoming Mr.Loughner to Indonesia.

    Like

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