Kindly old Conway here, forlornly wishing there actually was fucking peace in the world, even though there isn’t and never will be, that is until the apelike human race finally dies out for the good of the rest of the universe, taking their silly, imaginary gods with them.
I’ve had enough of writing about cowardly Christian pretenders in Florida and militant Islamic cocksuckers in New York for the time being, so I’ll devote this hate-filled rant to the cowardly United States and the idiotic Tea Party – a group which is wasting their time in trying to save this culturally, morally and fiscally bankrupt dump of a nation.
Once upon a time there were three stupid American hikers, who apparently have much more money than fucking brains. They should have stayed home, or at least known better than to blunder about the blood-drenched, war-torn Moslem Middle East; their names Sarah Shourd, her fiancé, Shane Bauer, and mutual friend Josh Fattal. According to their story, they were hiking through Iraqi Kurdistan or some other shitty, religious fanatic filled, arid place, when they were captured and then accused of crossing into Iranian territory as American “spies”. Yeah sure, as if Iran has any fucking real “secrets” to keep. The backward Mohammedan motherfuckers state that the three fools were in the employ of the CIA or other such nonsense.
EARTH TO IRAN: You have no secrets, fools, atomic or otherwise, as Enrico Fermi, Robert Oppenheimer and Edward Teller INVENTED the goddamned atomic bomb in the United States 65 FUCKING YEARS AGO, before most of you assholes were even born! Physics is physics, Moslem dipshits, whether in Iran or fucking Borneo; you are so far behind the times that you may as well be fielding a ’47 Chevy against a 2010 Ford Mustang. You idiots may be fucking around with nuclear weapons like the silly gooks in North Korea, but the United States, Russia, China, France, Britain and Israel have and are capable of delivering much more powerful THERMONUCLEAR weapons upon your sorry, backward, raghead asses.
Anyway, for fourteen months these idiotic hikers have been detained by the “religious authorities” of Iran, which actually means “head Moslem group of thugs”, an ugly, rat-faced fanatical monster named Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the exalted leader of the aforementioned thugs.
As usual, the head nigger in the White House, Barack Obama, a malignant narcissistic pig who always has something to say about everything, licked Muslim asshole once again and said, “While Sarah has been released, Shane Bauer and Josh Fattal remain prisoners in Iran who have committed no crime. We remain hopeful that Iran will demonstrate renewed compassion by ensuring the return of Shane, Josh and all the other missing or detained Americans in Iran.” What a spineless, posturing, faggy clown, those Mohammedan bastards had better thank their non-existent god Allah that I’m not running this fucking place, as a very interesting thing would happen if I were.
Let’s have a look at what I would do.
The scenario would unfold with Dickhead Ahmadinejad having idiots Sarah, Shane and Josh in custody, stating to the world that they were “American spies”. I, smirking, would drop a dime and give Moslem thug Ahmadinejad a phone call. I would then proceed to tell this idiotic shithead of a “President” that if he did not release the trio of American idiots within 24 hours and see to it that they are escorted alive out of Iran, I would personally give an order that a 10-megaton hydrogen bomb would be dropped on Tehran, killing 8.5 million people instantly. You see, I’m a vicious bastard, and I don’t give a fuck, either. Death is death, whether by H-bomb or natural causes; we all die.
I suppose Dickhead Ahmadinejad, feigning bravery, would either dare me to drop a H-bomb on Tehran, or he would feign conciliation and attempt to proselytize to me about Allah and Mohammed, to either of which I would yawn and reply, “You have 24 hours to do as I request, Moslem asshole, fail to comply with my instructions and Tehran will become a radioactive glob of green glass; shove Allah up your ass.” Then I would hang up on him. The world would hold it’s breath, and liberals in congress would denounce me as something worse than Hitler.
Guess what – they’re right. I’d tell Congress to fuck off too, acting within the bounds of the Constitution, and 24 hours later a thermonuclear armed ICBM would be activated and leave its comforting silo in South Dakota or thereabouts, programmed to fly mercilessly toward Tehran, Iran. I’d call dickhead thug Ahmadinejad again, and state, “Alright, clown, a H-bomb is heading your way pallie, you have 15 minutes to comply with my demands. Give them up or I will annihilate your fucking nation.” Dipshit Grand Ayatollah Ali Hoseyni Khamenei would state that Allah (whatever that is) will grab the rocket with his “mighty hands”, and save Tehran. Sure – I think the Ayatollah has watched way too many Cecil B. DeMille films.
Anyway, thanks to intransigent religious fanatics, the city of Tehran would be wiped from the face of the goddamned earth, forever, thanks to me. Yeah, the prisoners would be annihilated by the H-bomb too, who fucking cares? Chinks and Russkis would call, and demand an explanation, to which I would reply, “If you want to start world war three, I don’t care. Launch your weapons, and I’ll launch mine, motherfucker, I assure you.” The Chinks and Russkis would back down in fear of a remorseless maniac like me, and Conway would be re-elected in a landslide in the next poll.
I really would do that; have no doubt whatsoever in your mind.
Moving on to the Tea Party, it seems that several candidates are making headway in their determined assault on the establishment goons currently running this dump. Some, though they have been winning primaries, don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of going to the House or the Senate, mainly due to the American electorate being so fucking stupid that it boggles the mind. Democratic doomsayers will run slanderous campaigns comparing say, Christine O’Donnell to Adolf Hitler, and other such tripe, which stupid Americans will swallow hook, line and sinker. If that doesn’t work, and those like her are elected to office, look for the inevitable “investigations of impropriety”, mysterious, out of the blue tax audits, or perhaps even assassinations, just watch.
Who knows, perhaps the head nigger will state there is a “crisis” of sorts, and call off the elections in the name of freedom, though all that will accomplish is to lead to a welcome civil war. You see folks, America is run from top to bottom by elected criminals, Democrat and Republican, at least for the past 50 years, and they will stop at nothing in their obsessive quest to control the population and turn the United States of America into a gigantic jail.